A returning column on what can be learned from past relationships
BY MATTHEW TIGER
IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S ME.
How often have you heard the phrase “It’s not you, it’s me” at the end of a relationship. I’ve lost count. Typically, I have dismissed this as someone trying to spare my feeling, because like every other self-deprecating narcissist, it has to be me.
We were set up by a mutual friend, it might have been my first actual “blind date”. We met for drinks, which turned into dinner, which turned into more drinks, which turned into us dating. She was beautiful, tall and blonde. She worked for a plastic surgeon, so she was also equipped with all the latest accessories. Smart and funny, we got along great. She, in every way, was just amazing. Really amazing. I mean, one night, she even brought one of her girl friends to bed. This was every guys’ dream! She was certainly my dream.
After a few weeks of dating, I could see she was really falling for me. Luckiest guy in the world, right!? Well, not exactly. Problem was, I just couldn’t seem to develop feelings for her. I really tried. This girl was perfect for me. I knew she would be good for me. It would make sense for us to be together. None of it mattered. No matter how bad I wanted to fall for this girl, I just couldn’t.
Now, you might be asking yourself, “OK, so what’s your point?” Well, I do not have any insight as to why I let this girl go. Actually, it still bothers me to this day. The point here is I gained a new perspective on rejection. You see, most of the time, I was the one to be rejected. As the one who was rejected, I would ask myself “what’s wrong with me?” Which lead me down a pity-party shame-spiral.
So, this experience helped me see that a rejection may not always reflect a deficit on my part. Being on the other side of rejection has given me a new perspective and has taken some of the sting out of dating rebuffs. I recognized the fact that this girl was absolutely perfect, yet I still was just not into her. Sometimes “It’s not you, it’s me” is simply just that.